What we lost when we started curtaing ourselves.

You can listen to this weeks blog using the player below. Audio blogs are also coming to my youtube channel as an extra place to listen!

As a 13 year old millennial teen who had just gotten their hands on a MySpace account, (too young, in retrospect, but you got to admit, our parents had no idea what we were in for, let alone that we even had these accounts,) then a Facebook, and then an Instagram… the excitement (and delicious chaos) around social media only seemed to grow with every racing moment.

Millennial friends- we were at the birth of the selfie. We caught the baby. We were the baby.

We traded in our plastic disposable cameras and rides up to the drug store to develop and eventually scrapbook our photos, to using the digital cameras built right into our new flip phones. We took too many pictures, all of the time, and we uploaded them all. We smiled with our teeth, no matter how un-straight, and we didn’t think twice about being seen having fun. Filters were exciting. We used all those too. And at first, all we knew those for were for added charisma and color, not alteration of our facial features and our bodies.

I am thankful I spent a brief moment on social media when it was mainly used as the authentic digital diary. When you could post a half eaten sandwich and iced coffee on your desk at lunch, strike up a random conversation with a friend in the comments, and not care who didn’t “like” it or how any of it affected your profile aesthetic. Heck, I don’t even think the word aesthetic was in our vocabularies at that time.

Speaking of those times feels like so long ago. 

At one time it was exciting to see a selfie on a screen- it was a chance to see an acquaintance or friend’s face, really see it, without having to stare too long in person or passing. Not in a judgmental way, but a curious way; in a connective way. A chance to see them how they see themselves. And everything they shared could be consumed in this same way, an authentic bid for connection, or a greater understanding of the layers of people you would have otherwise never knew. 

Since then, the selfie has gotten more refined. 

Your typical point and click when you’re feeling it just doesn’t happen like it used to. Now, we have all this work around our photos. Preparing: You need a stylish outfit, clean, wrinkle free clothes, good hair. Oh? From the shoulders up? Well, how’s your skin been lately? Is your makeup without flaw? Then the work of taking the photos- better take just a few more for good measure, right? Even then, we aren’t satisfied. Then the editing process begins. Which app to use? Hyper-analyzing our every feature until we finally ask ourselves, Do I even still want to go through with this? Even “candid” style photos are staged and curated. 

All that work and a photo still isn’t good enough to look at- not anymore. Pretty as it may, now we require video to even get a rouse out of us. Pick a catchy song, no, not something you think is nice and catchy, something the social platform you’re using finds trendy- at this moment. Then compel me visually in 5 seconds or less to give a shred of interest or care. No, I’ll move along before I even think about reading that caption. Don’t bother!

To even actively participate on social media, you become a content creator, by definition. Sorry. I know that makes some of you dry-heave. But it’s true. And you consider these things, because you have no choice.

I don’t blame anyone for their distaste in social media as of lately. Especially those like myself, who have spent a good amount of time on it- enough to be sorely disappointed in what the experience has become.

Let’s be honest, I could complain for days- why the online environment feels like a highly superficial, hostile, trigger loaded mine-field (because who doesn’t want your graphic violence wedged between your food and fashion?) But instead, I’ll take a heavy sigh here and (attempt to) accept what I cannot change. 

So what now?

With so many of us working remotely, keeping up with our friends virtually, relying on online communities for networking, and even ordering our household necessities and groceries online, it’s near impossible to be detached from the internet and social media. 

It leaves us beside ourselves to figure out how to use it differently, because something is wrong now, and even though we can’t always put our finger on it, we have been feeling it. 

Have you altered your social media use in the last few years? Increased / decreased, share more or less, post more or less? Why? Let me know in the comments. 

I’ll go first, and this answer is going to be all over the place. Ready?

I am a content creator. Not just incidentally (anymore.) I treat posting online content like a job, because today- it is! And it’s no easier than any other entrepreneurial venture. It’s not a straightforward path, you’re never off work, every single thing falls on your shoulders alone, and you can never do “enough” to press ahead the way you want or expect to. Safe to say I’m a bit exhausted with it at any given time, whether I’m feeling inspired or not.

I say that to say- I don’t get to log off. At least not the same way a another person could. When I left traditional work for this path, I didn’t predict I would be backed into this kind of corner, feeling these feelings so often. Who knew you actually could have too much of a “good thing?”

So what I’ve done is distance and compartmentalize.

Social media is ultimately for work, not play. And I don’t mean my connections on social media are disingenuous because we are involved by my work, not at all. I mean my time spent on social media has closed parameters. The day is for productivity- so while I do open it several times a day, but I don’t scroll just for the “fun of it.” I don’t passively see where it wants to take me. If there is nothing reasonably work related to be done, I quickly exit it. At night, I give myself a little more time to scroll my feeds, incognito mostly. It’s not the time to respond to comments and messages or go through my emails. I never engage with things I don’t like. I don’t let people know when I’m offended or disagree. I use my in-app tools constantly to unfollow, mute, and hide posts as neeeded. Sometimes I’ll hit a good 3-in-a-row and call it a strikeout for the night. Must be a sign I shouldn’t be using it. I’m very aware of negative feelings that suddenly appear as I scroll, and I know how quickly they can snowball.

I’m in a constant process of curating my feed into something I can mostly enjoy. Everytime you engage with something, you give the platform feedback. Sure, you may have engaged to disagree, you may have literally said “I’m SICK of seeing things like this,” but you engaged. To the platform, you’ve deliberately requested more content like it.

That’s why I’ve realized how important it is to support the content that you DO enjoy and want to see by engaging and following/subscribing to the creator’s behind it. You say a big deliberate YES to what you do want more of, and a big cold-shouldered NO to everything else. It’s your only defense to maintaining a positive experience with social media.

I also tap into things I individually enjoy using social media, to break out of the overwhelming cliquey group-think sinkhole. I love pinterest and youtube for this, because I can fall back and just enjoy searching niche topics regardless of their current trendiness. Something therapeutic I do to dial down overstimulation and ease night-anxiety is I pin color palettes on pinterest. I also like to follow creators of different ages, I now follow two youtubers over 70, and hope to find more who are older than me.

I want, I need to see there is more to life than what is presented to me when I open an algorithm that favors whatever today’s current commercial agenda is, current beauty standards, emotional rouses, and junk clickbait.

I think it’s important to have agency over what and how you consume, and find healthy replacements to aimless doom scrolling, which can just make the experience harder for most of us.

In fact, this notion is WHY I continue to dust off my blog and make my own bids for real connection, here.

While we can’t turnback time and make social media what it once was, we can influence the environment as we experience it with changes made individually.

I plan on returning to this topic on future blogs including more ideas and tips to make your time online more worthwhile and enjoyable. I’m always personally testing things out, but excited to come back and let you know.

What are your thoughts on today’s social media? Tell me below.

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Thanks a million, friend!

Until next time,

-K