I am sitting here wondering what to bring to you guys this week. I skipped last week, on a count of us moving, and that always is a bit hectic. Last week I did dedicate some time however, and I finally created my self publishing video, where I went over my experience self publishing and some companionship and advice to new authors/writers like myself. If you missed it, you can watch it here.
Yes that link goes to Youtube! Your girl has one of those now. Why? I don’t know. I’ve sort of wanted to do things like that but never had the nerve to overcome my stage fright. Very shocking and pleasing to know that I was able to create (and post,) (and not delete,) that video. I surprise myself like that sometimes, more and more often lately. it’s interesting what you can do when you start asking, why not me? I have come such a long way with many things, the cringey moments were just stepping stones in retrospect. Some felt more shaky than others, but each one moved me forward somehow. Challenging my fears has been really empowering, and I’ve made a practice of valuing persistence over perfection. Being afraid to make a fool of myself has kept me very still. Now I feel like stretching out. Now I want to move. Now I want to see what happens if I really choose me.
There are many things on my mind right now, I lost my roots in everything going on lately, and even though I dread sitting down to write sometimes, for fear of how terrible it might be— this is always the way home.
Moving always prompts a bit of reflection for me. I very easily categorize sections of my life based on the places I lived. Each home was a home to a different version of me, a different set of experiences, and a different outlook on life. When we arrived at our new place, I turned the key in the door and set our first boxes down. I wondered what would happen here. I reflected on who I am now, and how I will fill this space. Grow in this space. I wondered what experiences will find me here, in this piece of my life.
I kept smiling inside because, although I don’t know for sure what will come next, I feel good. I feel good to be trusted with more. I feel good to be trusted with change. I feel good to have come this far, in every way. The version of myself that I have brought here is elevated. Mature. Kind. Self-accepting. Motivated— still not quite a morning person, but ambitious. Far less self conscious, far more self aware. But chill, nonetheless. How she does it, I don’t know. I really like her. This is a new, exciting opinion. This is a new, exciting feeling.
I have a lot of plans I have been playing with in my head, so I am trying to see how and what I can realistically accomplish with my time, and always considering how I can make the best use of myself while on earth. Normal journaling! But right now, I am more so bouncing around ideas than having any concrete ones to articulate. So this blog is more of a check in— which I think is okay sometimes, too. I love to know how you all are doing as well during this time.
I’m so grateful for my readers and friends from near and far. How are you all doing? How have you been enjoying the blogs? Do you think you might enjoy vlogs as well? What are some things you would like to read about or hear about?
Sending you all some mid-week joy! Talk soon.